Twice As Good To Get Half As Much


Every black child has heard this phrase growing up, “You have to be twice as good to get half as much.” It is ingrained in our psyche. It haunts us through grade school, high school, college, and even well into medical school.  You would think upon entering medical school I would feel equal to my peers. If I’m here I’m certainly qualified. I worked just as hard, and overcame obstacles that most people wouldn’t have dreamed of facing. But sadly that anxiety of having to work twice as hard to prove yourself doesn’t go away, and the self-doubt looms, heightened by inadvertent comments about how it’s easier for people of color to get into medical school, how we must’ve gotten in because they got dinged for diversity, how they have some friend that totally deserves to be in med school but didn’t get in, as if we took their seat. I wish I could say the need to prove myself was solely an internal pressure. While I am sure some of my own insecurities played a role, the external pressures felt very real. I didn’t want anyone to expect less of me or my capabilities based on the color of my skin, or even worse, think that I was only here because of the color of my skin.

Needless to say the first year I studied my life away. The fear of failure can be a huge catalyst. I vomited the night before my first anatomy exam. I had so much anxiety. When I received my grades back after the first block I was finally able to breathe a tiny sigh of relief. What I was doing was working, very well in fact, and I deserved to be here just as much as everyone else. Unfortunately, this didn’t stop anxiety from setting in and subsequent nervous vomiting prior to EVERY. SINGLE. EXAM. that semester. But I managed to get through that semester with great grades. I survived. I was proud. I was supposed to be here after all.

Self-doubt is very real, it happens to the best of us. We all have that tiny voice in our head. I would be lying if I said there was a day that went by that I didn’t doubt that I knew something, hesitated to speak up for fear of being wrong, or doubted my preparedness for some exam or patient presentation. My first semester of medical school taught me to let that self-doubt be a motivator instead of a hindrance, and to help me stay humble. I know we all suffer from some degree of imposter syndrome, however as a female, and a minority female at that, I can’t help but feel that my degree is a tad bit more extreme.  I consistently navigate spaces filled with people who look nothing like me. This can cause some serious lacks in confidence, but as I grew into my own (took more and more tests) and was forced to speak up and give an answer, my confidence in myself grew. Now here I am a seemingly confident 3rd year (because fake it til you make it right?) whose attendings consistently comment on my poise and confidence (faking it well?).


Regardless to what anyone else may think, never doubt that if you are there -whether it’s an interview, a class, a degree program, a professional school, a sports team - you deserve to be, just as much as anyone else, you are just as qualified, just as capable, just as gifted. 
-MJ

25 comments

  1. Replies
    1. I really enjoyed this post, I completed my first year of school this summer and definitely had my share of obstacles and moments of anxiety so I could relate very well to some of your feelings/experiences. Congrats on making it this far!

      Check out my blog as well risingdoctorchronicles.blogspot.com :-)

      Delete
    2. Thank you!! I'm so glad you were able to relate, it can definitely be tough but good luck to you!! Will def check out your blog. ❤️

      Delete
  2. Amazing post! This resonated with me SO much! Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem! So glad you could relate ❤️

      Delete
  3. In Chinese medicine, the Fire Element identifies with the heart and the small digestive organs; the Earth Element, to the stomach and the spleen;generic levitra the Metal Element, to the lungs and the internal organs; the Water Element, to the urinary bladder and the kidneys; and the Wood Element, to the liver and the gallbladder

    ReplyDelete
  4. How are you managing your health? Is it a best need for you? Or then again would you say you are too bustling bringing home the compensation check? nolvadex 20 mg

    ReplyDelete
  5. Checking the lapse date can help shield you from utilizing an obsolete item. Likewise, ensure that the item has not been messed with.here Most items will contain a plastic security seal that demonstrates that no one has opened the compartment.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Not simply that, a large portion of them utilize individuals who have proficient ability on the field to compose the best pharmacy surveys.https://www.imedix.com/drugs/erectile-dysfunction/viagra-sildenafil-citrate

    ReplyDelete
  7. Make sure that you simply set aside effort for rest and unwinding. On the off chance that you might want to, give yourself consent to require now. Here

    ReplyDelete
  8. Understudies learn research center strategies, clinical and analytic methods, pharmaceutical standards, the organization of medications, and emergency treatment. They likewise think about office rehearses, tolerant relations, medical law, and morals.Ahiflower Ingredient supplier

    ReplyDelete
  9. These top health tips secured by and large health, however it is essential to recollect that there are different approaches to enable our bodies to remain healthy. Health List

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your doctor or pharmacist will discuss managing medicines that you take in a way to make them more effective in dealing with your problem. It is also vital that you tell the doctor if you have had a reaction to medication you have taken in the past.buy cheap cialis online

    ReplyDelete
  11. Presently, the online pharmacies are never again thought about an abomination at any rate by the patients, whose lives it contacted so delicately. All that is required is a few guidelines set up that can guarantee the patient security. Genotropin

    ReplyDelete
  12. When your website or blog goes live for the first time, it is exciting. That is until you realize no one but you and your. methylprednisolone sodium succinate

    ReplyDelete
  13. Rundown out the quantity of days you exercise and CBD vape pens how long multi day. In the rundown, additionally incorporate the intermittent climate and occasional changes lastly the sum you are happy to spend.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I respect this article for the all around scrutinized content and superb wording. I got so included in this material that I couldn't quit perusing. I am inspired with your work and expertise. Much thanks to you to such an extent. alternative medicine

    ReplyDelete
  15. One mainstream case is the one of the renowned Steve Jobs. In the wake of being determined to have malignant growth, he chose to depend on elective medicine to recuperate despite the fact that his doctors recommended he rather experience a careful activity.ECG cpt code

    ReplyDelete
  16. Later on, the rest will probably be much simpler CBD Oil Tinctures after you truly get its hang. Everything necessary is discretion alongside obligation.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Subsequently elective medicine does not have that legitimate and unfeigned name which other standard medications appreciate.viagra

    ReplyDelete
  18. For those wishing to improve their own appearance, by speculation and acting healthy or through lifting weights, at that point the main spot you should shop is at a health and fitness store. Brotman Medical center

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ephedra or ma huang were the most popular fat burner active ingredients and might be considered as best weight loss pills, until FDA found them being extremely dangerous to our nervous system and heart. Several death cases preceded the ephedra ban.this one

    ReplyDelete